comments:
Nicely stated. BTW, the word I have to enter below to get this posted is “cuntsucker.” Maybe you could define yourself as that? 
Your “I am _____” made me remember this. My grandmother, who I don’t think of as being particularly open to non-default anything, met a young lady at her apartment complex and they had a lovely chat. The next day, the girl runs into my grandmother again and feels the need to say “I just needed to tell you… I’m a lesbian. Is that a problem for you?” My grandmother, bless her, doesn’t even blink, but just says “I’m incontinent. Is that a problem for YOU?”
on 05/07/2008 at 10:21 PM 2008
Just wanted to tell you that I loved reading this entry. As a fellow sorta-gay, I definitely feel where you’re coming from. I do feel funny when I decline to mention it to people, as if I’m repressing myself. But there is stigma from all camps but other “confusees” and it’s so tiresome to have to define yourself all the time by others’ sexuality standards. I guess I don’t have to tell you that. 
lol at bethany’s grandma!
Thank you for responding to my interest. I feel weirdly honored.
You don’t sound at all confused or like a self-hating homosexual to me. You sound like someone who’s comfortable enough with her sexuality to realize that it’s not the most important characteristic you possess (nor, for the record, is being fat).
There is something to be said about gays and lesbians being about the only discriminated-against group that can be open or closeted. I think it makes it harder in some ways. I don’t trivialize anyone’s struggles, but at least, say, a Middle Eastern immigrant doesn’t have to worry about whether his friends and family will still talk to him once they find out he’s a Middle Eastern immigrant. I wonder about the peer pressure aspect too...does a lesbian feel her experience as a lesbian is less valid if she’s closeted? Does a closeted gay man feel like he’s doing a disservice to the gay community because he’s not out “taking the heat” and helping to change things for the future?
I wish more people recognized that sexuality is fluid. Most of my friends have had attraction to and experiences with both sexes. What people of a certain ilk refuse to recognize is that this IS the norm. Even in 1948, Kinsey recognized while formulating his famous scale of sexuality that most people don’t neatly fall into the category of homosexual or heterosexual. 1948!!! And some people still haven’t caught up with that idea. Of course, The Origin of Species was published in 1859, and about half of America hasn’t caught up with that yet, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.
Things are changing, I think, albeit slowly. One positive example is that we are taught never to ask a patient whether he or she is gay/straight/bisexual/etc. We ask for the information we actually need, which is “do you have sex with men, women, or both?” That said, um, yeah, I can’t imagine why your podiatrist needs to know. “Ooooh...that’s a gay callous you’ve got there, for sure.” Maybe you should start having some fun with it when inappropriate people ask about your sex life..."Oh, I only have sex with Patrick Stewart. No one else.” “I don’t know...the aliens don’t really have conventional genitals.” Of course, as Ann Landers (I think it was Ann Landers...maybe it was Emily Post) would say, the best response is just to ask, “Why do you want to know?” That usually leaves ‘em speechless.
on 05/11/2008 at 09:44 PM 2008