Tuesday, April 22, 2008
stabby
i’ve had a headache for about two weeks. if i take enough excedrin th it goes away for a couple hours. but then comes right back. tension headache? dehydration? changing seasons and allergies? all of the above? i have no idea but i want it to go the fuck away. i haven’t had daily headaches in a while. i’d forgotten how much they really suck. a lot. that’s how much they suck.
posted by sarah on 04/22/2008 at 10:55 AM
Friday, April 18, 2008
where i am
The past week or so has been the most stressful week in recent memory. I’ve been finalizing the worst freelance project ever and the other people on the project are just really horrible. I could go on and on about why this project sucked, and why the last week of it has been so taxing, but you don’t really care about that.
Sunday or maybe Monday I was having an almost-anxiety attack. Tachycardia, the zoomy feeling, unable to stop thinking about it, etc. Mentally I wasn’t having a panic attack, not really, but physically I sure was. Never had that happen before. So I took a xanax, but that didn’t really help. I’d calmed down by a couple days later though.
The other reason I’ve been stressed is because of my real job. Since October, only two new projects have come in. I got one and a coworker got the other. Two projects in 7 months is bad. Really bad. So lately I’ve found myself with nothing to do, and because we must account for every minute of our time in daily timesheets so we can bill the proper client, well, it sucks. So they’ve been “looking really hard” for things for me to do. That means busy work. I fucking hate busy work. If there is no real work to do, send me home, let me webbernet, let me do some thing. Don’t make up shit for me to do for the sake of having me do something. I really, really hate that.
I don’t know if I’m going to get laid off. It’s a genuine worry, but I figure they would have laid me off by now if they were going to. Who knows.
I did a phone interview the other day. One of the first things out of the interviewer’s mouth was, “Well, I see you’ve got your Master’s.” In all of the interviews I’ve ever done, that was code for “You’re overqualified. Buh-bye.” So after she told me more about the job and asked me interview-y questions, I explained why the fact that I have an advanced degree doesn’t mean I’m overqualified. Sure, I may have more years of education than other people at the company (I don’t know if I do or not) but this would be a totally new field for me with new challenges and new things to learn. Just because it’s an admin position doesn’t mean I’m overqualified. Having done admin work at several different places, I know that I actually like admin-ing for the most part. It’s all about being organized and keeping track of things. I’m awesome at that. And admins get to order the office supplies. We know all about my love for office supplies. Also, this is a field that I’m interested in and might want to pursue. But I won’t know that until I’ve worked in the field, and of course I have to start at the bottom. So really, an MA has nothing to do at all with my qualifications for anything, it just means I showed up somewhere three times a week for two years and got a piece of paper for my efforts.
When I moved to Philly in 2002, I got a job as a secretary/receptionist at a university. It was my “while going to school” job. It was fine as far as jobs go. I left that job to take one at a company in the field I was going to grad school for. That’s a perfectly valid reason to change jobs. I left job #2 for a lot of reasons. I was an assistant and the person I assisted left the company, and no one else needed an assistant. It was an ultra-corporate company, and I don’t fit in with places like that. I did a lot of really, really good work while I was there, but many of the higher-ups cared more about the fact that I had tattoos and “wild hair” than about the quality work that I was turning out. That job made me hate myself and my appearance and my self-esteem went into the negatives, and honestly I still haven’t fully recovered from that. So I left that job for the first one that paid enough that offered me a position. I knew from the first day at job #3 that it was not the place for me and everyday only reinforced that point. The people were mostly horrible (especially the two bosses that I had) and the company as a whole was stuck in the past. I stuck it out for two years there for a variety of reasons, apathy and “better the devil you know than the one you don’t” among them. Then the job that I have now fell in my lap. It really seemed like my dream job: chosen field, good money (to me anyway), cool co-workers, shoes optional. But it’s not. There’s no work coming in and the benefits are truly horrible and then of course there’s that epiphany I had a while back that I don’t actually like my chosen field.
Four jobs in six years is a lot I think, and I think that will count against me in prospective employer’s eyes. I wish it would, but I don’t know how to change that. I can’t leave my master’s and all my work experience off the resume!
So anyway. That’s where I am now. I plan to relax this weekend (who am I kidding, I already have a to-do list).
posted by sarah on 04/18/2008 at 12:27 PM
Thursday, April 10, 2008
angsty cat is angsty
Meh.
Originally uploaded by misanthropic sarah
i’m all stressed out and angsty about something but i don’t know what. i hate that feeling.
i am annoyed by flickr’s new video thing. it’s making things slow and i’ll be pissed if it turns into youtube.
i am annoyed that all of a sudden when i picture message something to someone, verizon is appending 3 paragraphs of ads to the picture and message. this did not used to happen. anyone else having this on their verizon service? i fucking hate it. i’m PAYING for the service, so there should not be ads. fuckers.
i am annoyed (as always) by lane bryant’s downsizing and their “fit right” bullshit. i’m also annoyed that i can’t find their jeans from about 2004 anywhere on ebay. because those actually FIT me. as opposed to their “fit right” ones. fuckers.
i am annoyed that i don’t have anything for lunch tomorrow and no money to buy anything and even if i did wawa is the only thing in the town where i work.
i am annoyed that i have this fucking freelance project to finish up and it is never ending.
i’m annoyed that my breathright strips are apparently causing a consta-zit on my nose, which you can see in the picture.
i am annoyed by teh fatsors and my big belleh.
i haven’t slept well all week and i’ve had a headache all week and i’m just so tired. that’s probably why i’m so annoyed at everything.
or not.
posted by sarah on 04/10/2008 at 09:48 PM
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
oil oil everywhere. or not.
I’m sick of hearing about “oh noes! Gas is expensive! Summer driving will go down!” They say that all the time. They said that when gas topped $2 a few years back in Michigan (which relies heavily on tourism). I’m sure that a few families do decide to stay home when gas gets so expensive, but most don’t. They bitch and moan about the price but pay it anyway, because what else is there to do?
We are a car culture and I’m pretty sure that even if it hit $10 a gallon, we would still pay it (though it would outprice a lot of people who would then be forced to choose between gas and dinner, and would unfortunately have to choose gas because you can’t get to work on a ham sandwhich).
The move I Am Legend starts with Will Smith driving around NYC in a fancy car and at one point we see a shot of a gas station price sign, and there were gasps in the audience when it showed the price in the upper $6 range. Like that was shocking. Seriously, if there’s a zombie (it was supposed to be vampires you fucking film makers!) invasion, of course gas prices are going to go up! Also, you know, this was a few years in the future, so of course gas prices are going to be higher!
The thing is, prices will keep rising because there is a diminished supply and people keep buying it anyway. Maybe we should find something cheaper? I’m pretty sure that if electric cars were cheaper that people would be on the bandwagon. Of course, they’d want electric SUVs, which just aren’t feasible.
I hate people.
posted by sarah on 04/08/2008 at 04:10 PM
only furthering my hatred of david dye
so david dye comes on and he’s like “coming up, a version of ‘word up’ i bet you’ve never heard before!” and i knew it was going to be the willis cover. you know, that i heard on csi many many months ago?
i was right.
so i said, “you know what david dye? i have heard that song before, so fuck you.” and my coworker looked at me like i was crazy.
i admit it, i am angry today. and i have a headache. but mostly i’m full of rage and i can’t pinpoint why.
posted by sarah on 04/08/2008 at 02:40 PM
copper piping
not only do i live in an old piece of shit building, i also work in one. which is fine for the most part because all the maintenance bullshit doesn’t really affect me (except for when they decide to put in new carpet or paint or something that releases toxic fucking gas). but, you know, last night some hoodlums broke into the building. not our part, but the lower part. they cut a bunch of the water pipes and carried them off because they are made of copper and apparently copper piping is valuable on the black market (?).
so the lower part of our building is flooding. i don’t care about that. what i do care about is that i am now fully validated in my fear and hatred of being the only one working here after dark (which happened a lot in the late fall early/winter because the sun fucking sets at 4.30). i felt stupid being afraid of getting jumped in the stairwell, but i don’t feel stupid anymore. oh no. because, you know, old buildings with no security and those glass/wood combo doors and not even a deadbold have cache. and cache doesn’t flash and siren and automatically call the police when someone breaks in.
yay.
(i’m not spelling cache right. i’m meaning kah-shay. how do you spell that?)
posted by sarah on 04/08/2008 at 01:10 PM
Monday, April 07, 2008
you will know them by the size of their floof
recent faves
Originally uploaded by misanthropic sarah
(i just felt like i should update)
yes, i do have a small love for baobao and beibei. and floofy silly cats in general. and mulder.
(i don’t know why #16 isn’t showing up)
posted by sarah on 04/07/2008 at 10:29 PM